Sacked Conversations
by Kenneth Black
Summary: The senshi may have come up with the most awkward ways to pass the time while Tuxedo Mask hauls Ami Mizuno up a high-class building. Possibly the most funniest thing I've written. TBC when inspiration randomly strikes- odball oneshots.
1. Sacked Conversations

A/N: . . . 0.o *grin* I honestly think the ocean's air is gettin' to me. New ideas are swamping me like crazy, but I think this may be the most craziest, funniest, off-the-spurt thing I've ever written. XD Get this, I can't believe it only took me about twenty minutes to write this down, and with my shaky non-ambidextrous left hand with my right hand cradling my sleeping kit on my lap. X3

DISCLAIMER: Sailor Moon don't belong to me but the awesome Naoko Takeuchi- the only thing I actually want to lay claim to is my crazy idea and brain. *grin* I'm still shakin' my head over this one. ^^ ((Also, Finding Nemo's 'turtle-voice' ain't mine, either. ^^ Yes, you'll know when you read it. *snicker*))

_**SACKED CONVERSATIONS: Hit With Double Innuendo**_

". . . Thunder, please tell me you did not say that."

"All I asked was just how comfortable Ami must be in the sack! C'mON, Pyro, I wasn't thinking, DROP it! Besides, whose idea was it that instead of going into the building to use the stairs like NORMAL people do instead of Tuxedo Mask SOMEHOW getting up 51 stories high and pulling us up in a sack? It's. . . well, it's a heckuva wierder idea than me saying how Ami must be in the sack!"

"Okay, Makoto-chan, okay! I'm sorry for this idea of mine, but since Usagi-chan's not here with her transformers stick to infiltrate this high-class building and I'm second in service, we'll do this my way. And look on the bright side, Ami-chan didn't hear you."

"*blush* Erm, yes, I kind of did. Our communicators ARE all on, you know. Oh, and Mako-chan, I'm actually QUITE comfortable in the sack, really, but when it's your turn to get in here and ride, you're a bit big, so it might be hard in more ways than one to get you up-"

*BEEP!*

"Oh, Kami-samaaaaa!I I can't- I can't-! Is THAT how I sounded when I- when I-"

"Yes, Thunder, that is EXACTLY how you sounded to us."

"*grin* Ami-chan's pretty tight, though, to get to go first, huh?"

"*groan* Mina-chan, I swear if I hear anyone talk about Ami-chan in the sack I'm gonna go up there and-"

"*snicker* Hey, Pyro, good thing you're not already up there or you'd have to COME down and GET Ami-chan in the sack, eh?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! I can't beLIEVE this!"

*beep!*

"Okay, girls, it's been a bumpy ride, but after all those hard scrapes, I'm still safe and ready. Come on up!"

((all three))

"*good-natured groan* WE'RE COMING!"

"No WAY am I going to be made of like that, not tonight! Okay, pretty boy, let the sack down, I'm comin' up bare!"

". . . Makoto-chan, do you LISTEN to what you say?"

". . . Thunder, PLEASE say hands. PLEASE."

"Hmph. Of COURSE I'm going to use my hands- in fact, I'm gonna use my fingers and palm and nails just to climb up all the crevices in this baby just so my butt's not gonna get squashed when I fall right on top of ya! What ELSE would I use?"

"*grin* You honestly DON'T listen to what you say, but this is actually getting kinda fun! Now, Makoto-chan, next time we go shopping, we'll go inside one of those nifty little shops and I'll show you all the joys of dild-"

"ENOUGH! Thunder, get to climbing that rope!"

"*whispered, hidden snicker* Ooh, such NEW possibilities of entanglement, maybe even some self-bondage-"

"MINA-CHAN!"

"*grin* I'll enjoy the view."

*BEEP!*

"Hurry girls, the youma just came out of the closet and is sporting the most DANGEROUSLY SHARP SWORDS! Her chest full of weapons looks pretty lethal, too!"

(('Finding Nemo', turtle voice))

"Du-uuuude. . ."

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THE END

A/N: XD AHAHAHAHAAAA! And, this'll be a satisfactory 'CUT!' Heh, I had fun writing this, and who knows, the senshi SHOULD get to scaling buildings in sacks for momentary fan-service fun. X3 Thanks for reading! ^^


	2. Quoted Thinking

A/N: I had this idea kinda just lyin' around for about a couple-a weeks, unfinished, then I just decided, 'Hey, what the heck, let's get this pup's tail waggin' and post it under that other oddball I wrote!' *grin* Hope this is a LITTLE bit similiar to the first chapter in wierdness, I'll just have to tweak the summary a li'l. ^^ Enjoy the oddness!

DISCLAIMER: To my knowledge, tennis nets that can catch fire don't belong to me, along with the awesome characters of Naoko Takeuchi's Sailor Moon. X3

_**Quoted Thinking: Innuendo With Gender-Bend**_

"C'mon, Ami-chan. THINK about it! It's OBVIOUSLY funny!"

"*squirm* Minako-chan. . . "

"HEY, guys!"

"*snicker* See, Ami-chan? Even Usagi-chan can get into it sometimes."

"Well, yes, but I don't think that neccessarily APPLIES to us-"

"Ami-chan, trust me. I'm the Senshi of LOVE. If Makoto-chan suddenly, SUSPICIOUSLY, seriously, oh-so TOTALLY turned into a guy, heh. Oh yeah, Ami-chan. You'd think about this, too."

"Whoa, whoa, Minako-chan! Having fantasies of Rei-chan this early in the morning?"

"Aaaaaughh, Makoto-chan, why do you always have to tease ME-E-E-E?"

"Trust me, Minako-chan, she can be so much more worse than this."

"A-Ami, don't. .!"

"What are you guys whispering about up here, huh?"

"Secret treasures hidden in another's junk, my dear, sweet, precious Rei-ko. . ."

"*blush* I shouldn't have asked. Hey, Thunder, wanna go for a round of tennis next court down?"

"Sure, Pyro. Be right there!"

"Wait! Don't leave me-e-e-eee! I wanna play, tooooo!"

"Don't worry, Meatball-head. We can trade it off, opponent of the winner."

And the girls went off to play tennis.

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Setsuna Meoh smiled, ducking her head as she dodged a stubborn briar persistently clinging in front of the school's back tennis court. It was funny to see the senshi gathered at school on a warm spring day where no classes were being held.

Usagi had begged off playing when she saw an ice-cream truck passing by that advertised its cold sweets on the truck's side. Besides, her loyal senshi were practically demolishing the court, using their elements to play.

Yet as the dark-haired woman watched Makoto bounce the cheery yellow fuzz of tennis ball, she could see honestly why Usagi had run off instead of playing.

The ball screamed electricity as it flickered towards Rei in a swirling mass of white power. Miko narrowed her eyes and Setsuna watched in fascination as she wielded the racket like a bat and sent the ball back in a whirlwind of bursting flame.

Pavement melted like butter as the ball hit ground and ricocheted back towards a wide-eyed miko, who scampered away to whirl and smack the flaming circle back at a grinning brunette. Makoto smirked and parried the blow, twirling her racket around like a baton and hitting dead metal on the racket's side.

Ball wobbled, then crashed into the net where it teetered precariously and tipped over onto Rei's side.

Setsuna about laughed when she saw the look on Rei's face.

It was priceless.

Mouth open, lips snapped closed in a grimace of determination and shocked eyes slitted to focused concentration. Taking her jacket's collar in her left hand, Rei ripped it away in a slash of fire and lunged for her side of the net, delivering the ball in an upwards murder slam.

Makoto gaped as her opponent's racket caught the upper plastic of the tennis net and the whole thing erupted from the ground in an event well enough to rival a big bonfire as the poles supporting the net was uprooted and sent into the air on blazing flame.

All the thunder and lightning wielder could do was stare at the writhing mass of flaming net above her.

Until a blazing curl of tennis ball hit her straight on top of the head.

Setsuna grinned to herself when Makoto headbutted the ball and bounced it on her rack, letting it loose with a roar into the blazing net above her and sending it to the trash can in a neat crackle of flames.

Shaking her head, Makoto brushed the remaining fuzz from her ponytail and shot Ami and Minako a winning grin.

"So, who won?"

All Minako and Ami could do was smile nervously at the fighter's aura Rei and Minako were exuding.

"Umm. . . Mako-chan, Rei-chan. . ."

"That was most definitely a tie."

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"Oh, Sets-chan!" Do you want some ice cream? I've got an extra one here."

Setsuna froze at the cheery voice behind her. Usagi. It had to be her. No one else made her shiver when caught looking in on the other senshi. Straightening, Setsuna turned and smiled down at her princess.

She was so adorable.

Wide blue eyes stared up at her in friendly curiousity, a small smile playing on those soft lips.

"Thank you, Usagi-chan, but no, I'm-"

Those eyes smiled then, a knowing glint that somehow seemed so familiar.

"You're beautiful, Sets-chan. You don't have to worry about your weight. Besides, I have a hunch you can't resist oreo-chip ice cream with peach juice on the side! Sinfully delicious!"

Setsuna about drooled.

Watching those delicious hands unfurl behind her princess' back, revealing the treat she hadn't let herself indulge in for a long, lo-o-ooong time, the Time Guardian fought not to groan at the rich heady scent.

"I-I. . ."

*_I want it. _Are you sure? It's been so long! _But it'll taste so goo-o-o-od!_*

Setsuna about smacked herself at her thoughts. She wasn't addicted, oh nononononooo. .! And before she could stop herself, Setsuna Meioh, the Guardian of Time, the dark-haired woman who had resisted this treat for so long, turned to mush at the first drop of oreo-ice cream mixed with peach juice that hit her lips.

_*Sinfully delicious. . .*_

Usagi's satisfied smile as the blonde princess leaned against the school was dessert enough for her. Letting out a contended sigh, Setsuna smiled down at her Princess.

"Delicious."

She knew her voice sounded all hoarse and dark as she leaned down, balancing her weight on the wall as she descended, slowly, slowly. . .

*WhAM!*

*THUMP!*

"Sets-chan? Ack, Sets-chan, wait-!"

As the resounding flame at the back of her head led her down to darkness, Setsuna Meioh whipped out her Time Staff and vaguely waved it around. The screams around her after she transported all of them to a new dimension clued her in that that time's current state wasn't very likeable, but Setsuna had no conscience left to wonder about that.

The darkness was all-consuming as it closed on her.

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". . . I can't BELIEVE this!"

"Whoa! This is- well, better believe it, Reiko. This is- this is kinda cool but kinda wierd!"

"I really don't think we're anywhere near Earth right now, guys!"

"I- I don't feel so normal, Ami-chan."

"*Ulp* Second that, Thunder."

"SETS-CHAN! WAKE UP, SETS-CHAN, don't die on me!"

All senshi turned in alarm at their princess' loud shouts of distress. Setsuna Meioh lay dark and unconscious in Usagi's lap, her eyes closed underneath a major welt forming on her forehead.

Instinctively brunette and miko flinched at the sight.

Time Staff in her hand, Setsuna groaned and furrowed her brow, shaking her head in something akin to denial. Usagi gently used the palm of her hand to steady the Guardian, lowering her voice to a whisper.

"Sets-chan, wake up, please, it couldn't have been that good-"

And the dark-haired woman abruptly turned her head into Usagi's stomach, murmuring a husky, "Mmmm, yeah, it WAS that good. And so long. . ."

". . ."

Four pairs of shocked eyes turned on a wide-eyed blonde.

Red splattered clear on Usagi's cheeks.

"Wh-What?"

Before anyone could respond with a teasing smirk at the oh-so-obvious implications, the skies opened up an eerie yellow and purple lightning flashed from the sky. With six shrieks came six black lightning bolts from the sky. After a moment of body-altering changes, Minako broke in, his sweet voice deepened to a suggestive husk as the blonde nudged Ami's shocked arm.

"Th-This can't be physically possible. . ."

The blue-haired man himself was staring in fascination at the man before him, his brown ponytail hitched up with a familiar green hairband.

"See, Ami. . . -kun? Wow, that's wierd. Told'ja you'd get it."

"Wh-What just HAPPENED?"

"*groan* Rei-kun, your new voice does not go well with exceptionally high shrieks."

The Senshi of Fire could have fried the Senshi of Time.

With a pat of his broad chest, Rei Hino roared.

"Of course it doesn't, I'm a MAN!"

"Pyro, we cAN very well HEAR that. Ah-HEM?"

Green eyes looked shocked as the Senshi of Thunder and Lightning had to control his cracking voice.

"*giggle* This is a new dimension, correct, Setsuna-chan? Er, -kun? One that turns us all into guys?"

Ami's voice had turned into a cool husk, and Makoto turned to look at the smaller man, his features softening. Usagi chirped cheerily at them, his blue eyes a sparkling uke's, innocent and wide.

"Well, guys, I'd say, let's check it out!"

"MEATBALL-HEAD, we are NOT going to 'CHECK it OUT'-nnmmgh. . mm. ."

Rei Hino roughly broke away from the kiss as his best friend cupped his hardening treasure. Minako Aino grinned handsomely and winked at Ami. With a possessive growl Makoto stood in front of the blue-haired genius.

Thunder and lightning lit up the sky, and with a deafening roar, six bolts of white electricity spat down from the sky and knocked the senshi back into their own world and reverting them back into their more feminine forms.

With a grunted gasp Ami found herself falling and the hard ground of earth's green grass coming quickly to give her welcome impact.

"Oof! Gotcha!"

Soft warmth enveloped her, and Ami blinked as she looked up into Makoto's familiar green eyes. Around the two the other senshi were falling, landing gracefully on their feet except for Usagi, who Setsuna caught on the ground from her laying position with ease.

Minako found herself cupping Rei's crotch, and heat burned through her hand as the miko flushed fire and pressed tentatively closer. Looking over her shoulder at Setsuna, Minako grinned.

"Setsuna-chan, I want to thank you for helping me show Ami-chan. . ."

"Ahem."

Ami blushed and curled into the crook of Makoto's neck, her arms going around in confession to a smiling Makoto. The hesitant but soft surety of their kiss made all the senshi sigh in adoration.

As the kiss ended, Minako turned to Rei and looked straight into that heated black gaze of fire. Smiling, the blonde finished her sentence. Her bond with Rei was true, the miko hearing her unspoken confession of love directly from her heart.

"- that yes, one man's junk is another man's treasure."

At everyone's surprised look of shock and uproar of "MINAKO!", the senshi of love just grinned.

After all, it was true, and hilariously so.

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A/N: And so many other phrases that I've took for granted in my life is hiding so many hilarious one-liner innuendos. *grin* ((I'm a man's man!- from Love Attack, Junno Tokko Taichou- and yes, since I can actually read - not understand- the simple hiragana and katanaka, well, that's its title)) XD Thanks for reading this to the end, I'll just say I'm on a wierd bouncy rant of fanfiction nowadays. X3


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